In a world that is pulling away from the commercial sector and turning to home-based values, it comes as no surprise that the value of the “DIY” life is increasing. However, it may come as a surprise that this ideal has even become popular in the funeral/death care sector, reintroducing DIY funerals, or family-led funerals. Someone who is unfamiliar with the practice may think that family-led funerals are simply funerals where the family directs the service. While this is not wrong, family-led funerals involve much more than that and take shape in a variety of forms.
A family-led funeral includes the practice of overseeing the end-of-life care of a body in the family’s own home. Family-led funerals also typically involve families holding their own funeral service and even burying the body themselves. While this type of a funeral has leeway as to what it can entail, it most generally means taking the end-of-life care of a loved one into the family’s own hands. Families who choose to have a family-led funeral usually keep the body in their own home for a few days (or even the entire time before a funeral), wash and dress the bodies themselves, and plan the funerals on their own. They will often bury the body or deliver it to the crematorium themselves as well. These types of arrangements usually mean planning the entire service on their own, down to ordering the floral arrangements and printing the service programs. While this may sound stressful and overwhelming, most families choose to simplify the planning process and it quickly becomes an intimate and peaceful way to come to terms with the death of a loved one.
As with any type of funeral, there are many pros and cons to planning a family-led funeral. The most difficult aspect of the planning process involves the stress of having to plan so much in so little time, and trying to preserve the body until the funeral. However, there are many positive aspects, such as saving large amounts of money, having a more intimate and meaningful funeral, keeping the deceased loved one close, and coming to terms about the death of a loved one in a more peaceful manner. When trying to decide whether or not a family should have a family-led funeral, the family needs to understand what the funeral typically entails and which type of funeral is the best fit for their own family during that time.
The first thing a family must take into consideration is the amount of pre-planning that should go into a family-led funeral. This includes understanding how a body needs to be preserved at home in order to prevent extreme decay before the funeral. Families often invest in or build their own cooling box to keep the body in before the funeral. If the family cannot find one, they may consider paying to keep the body in a funeral home for a few days until the services. Families often choose to wash and dress their loved one themselves, and make viewing preparations such as taping the eyes and mouth shut. It is advised that a family wash and dress the body promptly after death as the body will change slightly even while being kept cool in the family’s home. The family should also consider pre-ordering a casket as the funeral service should happen sooner than a traditional funeral if the body is kept at home and is not preserved using embalming techniques. Pre-ordering a casket ensures that the service can be planned in a speedy enough manner to keep the body at home where the families usually want it.
Family-led funeral services are up to the discretion of the family, but most often involve a more intimate setting and service. Families choose their own floral arrangements and decorate the service area themselves. The services may take place at the graveside or in a setting meaningful to the deceased person. The families often have a close member or friend leading the service. The service is tailored exactly to the family’s needs and the deceased person’s wishes. Families choosing a family-led funeral will also often help bury the body themselves at the service. Before this process, the family must check that the cemetery allows family-led burial and has someone to assist in packing the earth after the service. All service decisions, such as casket type and burial type must comply with the state and cemetery regulations.
This process may sound overwhelming and overcomplicated, but many families find that it is more simplified than a traditional funeral as the families decide what they would like to include in the funeral to best fit their needs. The family may decide to have a natural burial with an ecofriendly casket, or cremate the body. Family-led funerals are about giving the power to the family to decide what best fits their own needs and the deceased loved one’s wishes. Whatever the way, family-led funerals often bring a family peace during the process of saying a final goodbye to a loved one.
Blog Resources
https://www.leedam.com/family-led-funerals.html
https://stoneletters.com/blog/diy-or-family-led-funeral